When you’re in the mood for a leisurely drive, you head for… The Main Street of any small town in the U.s.A… at any time in history. Where the ladies are! A narrow road winding up a mountain at a speed of nothing less than ninety miles an hour. The sweet-smelling, placid countryside where you can drive really slowly and wave at the cows. The city streets of bustling Chicago. This is a trick question. You do not go for leisurely drives.
It’s Super Bowl time. You’re watching the halftime show at your best friend’s house when, horror of horrors, you discover that you’ve just chugged down the last bottle of beer! Your friend is ripping open a bag of Doritos in the kitchen and is going to want a beer upon his return, so – very quietly – you borrow your friend’s vintage Mercedes convertible to the beer store. On the way, you get in an accident and the front end of your friend’s beloved car is totalled. You… Swivel your hips, throw your head back, and dance all the way home, where you call a beer-delivery service and the whole neighbourhood comes out for an impromptu keg party. Your friend doesn’t really care about the state of the car – he’s just so groovy about life, man. Fix the car yourself, using the very small, but very powerful, tools hidden in your watch. You continue to the beer store, buy the beer. You stop off a garage and a voluptuous woman in a clingy mechanic’s uniform touches up the paint. You return to your friend’s house just before the game enters the third quarter. Your friend never knows the difference. Aren’t going to let a front-end smash-up prevent you from getting the beer. You speed the rest of the way to the beer store, car parts and sparks flying all the way. On the drive back, you’re not so lucky: the car stalls, then – kaput – the engine dies. You need to see the game, you need to get back to your friend – so you ditch the car where it died, grab the beer, and sprint back to your spot on the couch. You decide to tell your friend about it – after the game. Buy him another vintage Mercedes, and then, for kicks, buy him a 2003 Mercedes SUV. Upon your return, you tell your friend what happened – because you are highly principled – and your friend is awed by your honesty. He also loves his new SUV. You can afford those kind of principles. Put your hat on the curb, and start singing Sinatra-standards to passerbys. In five minutes, you collect enough money to have the car repaired, repainted, and waxed to an unbelievable shine. You make it back to your buddy’s in time for the fourth quarter, and though your friend is angry, his discontent is quelled by the fact you scored him a date with the mechanic’s super-hot daughter. Feel really, really bad about it. You call a tow truck for his convertible, walk the rest of the way to the beer store, buy five cases of beer, and walk all the way back to your buddy’s house, toting the beer. You enter the house with tears streaming down your face. You’re really, really sorry.
You are most likely to have the following in your glove compartment… Two pairs of leopard print panties (you recall exactly how you acquired them, and you don’t need to show them to people as proof of your sexual prowess); Japanese-on-tape language guide; Martini shaker Out-dated maps; band-aids; broken watches Brick-sized cell phone; aviator sunglasses; Diet Coke; Silly Putty Cherry-flavoured breath spray; leopard print panties (though you can’t recall exactly how you acquired them, you like to keep them to show to people as proof of your sexual prowess); floss Night-vision goggles; all-purpose ‘antidote’ in a glass vial; photograph of your deceased parents Tissues; a "Chicken Soup for the Soul" book; a Ziploc bag full of lucky pennies to give to Squeegie kids
When you drive, you like to listen to… Burt Bacharach Whatever is considered the flavour of the month Absolutely nothing. Music may alert enemies to your location. Silence is safer. Wayne Newton… and the windows are most definitely down so that all may enjoy your rousing rendition of ‘Danke Schoen’ Music that makes you weep … mostly Celine Dion, Simon and Garfunkel Huey Lewis and the News
Your ideal passenger… Understands, and is sensitive to, your feelings Is exotic, sexy – and hiding something Is barely contained by a flower-power mini-dress Can fix everything you break Is really confused by everything you say and do, but can’t get enough of your company anyway Wears a red and yellow spandex jumpsuit
Your favorite ‘Friends’ character is… Phoebe Monica Chandler Rachel Ross Joey
Acura American Motors Alfa Romeo Audi Bentley BMW Bounder Buick Cadillac Chevrolet Chrysler Daewoo Daihatsu Diamond Reo Dodge Eagle Ferrari Fiat Flyer Bus Ford Geo GMC GMC Truck Hino Holidy Rambler Honda Hummer Hyundai Infinity Isuzu Iveco Jaguar Jeep Kia Lexus Lincoln Lotus Mazda Mercedes Benz Mercury Merkur Mini Mitsubishi National Coach Nissan Oldsmobile Pace Arrow Peugeot Plymouth Pontiac Porsche Prevost Bus Range Rover Renault Rolls Royce Saab Saturn Silver Eagle Southwind Sterling Sterling Trucks Subaru Suzuki Toyota Volkswagen Volvo Western Star White Yugo Other
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Windshield Back Glass Front Door Backseat Door Quarter Glass Vent Other
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