At ritzy cocktail parties you usually park... by the front door so that security will be called to shoo you away. next to the most expensive car in the lot - hoping that your open door will mar the paint job. in whatever space you can find where you won't have to tip a valet. in the least obvious parking spot a political extremist is liable to place a platic explosive.
When thinking of your favorite past Presidential Candidate do you chose... Lyndon LaRouche Ross Perot Mike Dukakis Pablo Escobar
If your hood flies open and vaults over your car on the freeway you... instantly think an assassination attempt is being made on you. turn back, and risk your life by picking the resellable part of the freeway. pray that the next car part will fly into you and physically scar you for life. decide to drive faster and see what other part flies off for the sheer thrill of it.
When choosing fruit at the supermarket do you.. shop late at night so no one will see you in your mangy sweat pants? make a bee-line to the bargain bin fruit with all the bruising? size up cantaloupes for bomb making potential? choose a fruit you've never heard of to impress your paramours.
When confronting car salespersons at auto dealerships you hope don't suspect you're using the test drive for a free ride home. plan to take them for a 100 m.p.h. test drive while reciting lines from Joyce's " Ulysses." size them up as a possible new recruit for the assembly of plastic explosives. secretly wish they take a shine to you. You'd like a friend.
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